Hug your kids
As a dad of a 6 and 8 year old my heart goes out to the parents of the victims in Connecticut. Schools are supposed to be safe havens; shielded from the horrors of an adult world. As Superintendent of Schools I agonize over making sure our schools are safe- knowing full well a tragedy like this can happen anywhere. For your information I would like to notify you that all of our schools have safety plans and practice lockdown and lockout drills. Hampton and the High School just completed their drills in collaboration with Nassau County police. The front doors of the schools are locked and visitors must sign in. The High School has security guards that monitor the front door. We take a proactive approach to educating parents and students about proper safety precautions if something happens. I pray that we will never have to use any of these procedures.
On Monday, in all of our schools, we will have staff ready to assist your children if need be. If you believe your child is having any anxiety about going to school please call or email your child’s principal.
I can tell you that this past Monday I walked around meadow drive school and couldn’t believe that people were using the side door by the cafeteria to leave. These doors’should not be permitted to be opened exception emergency. There should be a strict sign in and sign out policy that is enforced. Doors are obviously not alarmed I voiced my security concerns before the school year started to the principal was shocked at the lack of concern. I have seen doors and windows left open and have heard that people have been able to walk in accidentally through the wrong doors and no one stpped them. The poor security measures are inviting disaster!
I forgot I’m dealing with Meadow this year and the security measures to get in and once you are inside in that school aren’t any better.
Dr. Nagler in your blog you state clearly that “the High School has security guards that monitor the front door”. I have walked in that school to either bring something to my child, or pick up my sick child and NEVER ONE time have I been questioned about who I was or why I was at the school, nor have I EVER been asked to identify myself. ! Please let’s not sugar coat or glorify ANYTHING . Now is NOT the time! Over the past 11 years I have had children go through Willis, Jackson, the Middle School and the High School. I don’t feel confident about security measures in place for entering any if them. I’m concerned the security measures in this district could stand up to the type of tragedy Connecticut just endured. We need changes and fast. Under your current security procedures in place for entering your buildings, it seems it might be very easy for perpetrators to cause havoc! I implore you to revisit the security measures currently in place. I do NOT want to see our district on TV God forbid!
Could you clarify for me whether or not all our schools have lockdown or lockout drills? I asked my sons (first and third grade respectively) if they had practiced them at school and neither one had heard the term. I am aware that they may have done them but not known; since the drills are usually coded so that children are unaware of the situation. I just want to make sure that our kids are prepared as the Connecticut tragedy has driven home the point that schools are targets for violence regardless of the age of the children attending them. It is truly sad, but I just need the reassurance that we are doing everything we can to keep them safe. Thank you.
Tomorrow I will send my daughter to school, confident that education and safety are the paramount concerns of this district.
I have asked teachers not to initiate any discussions about the tragedy. Children may ask questions or discuss it with classmates. If that occurs teachers will use their best judgment and their knowledge of your children and proceed accordingly. We want to assure children they are safe in school, ease any anxiety they may have and keep our routines as ‘normal as possible”
my husband and i both discussed this security issue as well and both agreed with what everyone else is saying . a present uniformed officer to protect the school . it’s like car insurance or any other type of extra coverage you were to get for your electronics now adays . you pay for it at the outside chance something happens yet hope you never have to use it . we would hope you would never need to actually use the uniformed security however to have them in place would be a much safer & smarter insurance for the school . my husband is a 22yr veteran for the nypd and looking to retire . if a postion would open , i know he’d jump at the opportunity to keep his kids school community safe .
Hi Dr. Nagler,
I saw your response above about teachers not bringing up incident with classes unless asked…does this go for every grade? Thanks.
I took this off of the Mineola Patch. Rabbi David Ross Senter presented the following as talking points with your kids and I think he did an excellent job. I thought it might help parents of young children in explaining the Sandy Hook Tragedy:
1. The man who did this is no longer alive and cannot hurt anyone again.
2. When something terrible like this happens people everywhere do their best to make sure that it does not happen again. Talk about the security that you have seen at airports, etc. all those people are there to protect you.
3. Things are in the news because they are extraordinary. If we break down the word “extraordinary” we see the words “extra” and “ordinary.” Things that are on the news are things that don’t happen every day. Something like this has never happened in our community and is not likely to happen.
4. Offer your children the opportunity to pray for those who were injured or killed and their families. This will give them a way to express concern in a constructive manner. It does not need to be eloquent: just simple and from the heart.
I have decided not to tell my 5 year old, who is a Kindergarten student at Meadow, about this tragedy. I hope that if a child brings this up in class, the teacher will talk privately to the child and not to the whole class. My child is very sensitive and I don’t want to have to explain this to him at such a young age, unless I absolutely have to. Is there a protocol in place, in the event another young classmate starts talking about the tragedy to other classmates?
If its one thing we can learn from this horrific event, is that nobody is safe anywhere anymore, even school. The buzzer and sign in sheets will not keep a shooter out. Our children are so much more important than money and we need to consider taking more measures to keep insane people with deadly weapons out of our school.
Teachers will not discuss the topic unless children in the class bring it up. Even then teaches will be very sensitive to what is discussed and refer upset children to our social workers, psychologists and guidance counselors. One of our psychologists sent me this article on helpful tips for parents:
A National Tragedy: Helping Children Cope
Tips for Parents
Whenever a national tragedy occurs, such as terrorist attacks or natural disasters, children, like many people, may be confused or frightened. Most likely they will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. Parents and school personnel can help children cope first and foremost by establishing a sense of safety and security. As more information becomes available, adults can continue to help children work through their emotions and perhaps even use the process as a learning experience.
All Adults Should:
1. Model calm and control. Children take their emotional cues from the significant adults in their lives. Avoid appearing anxious or frightened.
2. Reassure children that they are safe and (if true) so are the other important adults in their lives. Depending on the situation, point out factors that help insure their immediate safety and that of their community.
3. Remind them that trustworthy people are in charge. Explain that the government emergency workers, police, firefighters, doctors, and the military are helping people who are hurt and are working to ensure that no further tragedies occur.
4. Let children know that it is okay to feel upset. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy like this occurs. Let children talk about their feelings and help put them into perspective. Even anger is okay, but children may need help and patience from adults to assist them in expressing these feelings appropriately.
5. Observe children’s emotional state. Depending on their age, children may not express their concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can also indicate a child’s level of grief, anxiety or discomfort. Children will express their emotions differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel or express grief.
6. Look for children at greater risk. Children who have had a past traumatic experience or personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or with special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others. Be particularly observant for those who may be at risk of suicide. Seek the help of mental health professional if you are at all concerned.
7. Tell children the truth. Don’t try to pretend the event has not occurred or that it is not serious. Children are smart. They will be more worried if they think you are too afraid to tell them what is happening.
8. Stick to the facts. Don’t embellish or speculate about what has happened and what might happen. Don’t dwell on the scale or scope of the tragedy, particularly with young children.
9. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate. Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that the daily structures of their lives will not change. Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal
in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school.
They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Upper middle school and high school
students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence and threats to
safety in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school
safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. They will be more committed to doing something
to help the victims and affected community. For all children, encourage them to verbalize their
thoughts and feelings. Be a good listener!
10. Monitor your own stress level. Don’t ignore your own feelings of anxiety, grief, and anger.
Talking to friends, family members, religious leaders, and mental health counselors can help. It
is okay to let your children know that you are sad, but that you believe things will get better.
You will be better able to support your children if you can express your own emotions in a
productive manner. Get appropriate sleep, nutrition, and exercise.
What Parents Can Do:
1. Focus on your children over the week following the tragedy. Tell them you love them and
everything will be okay. Try to help them understand what has happened, keeping in mind their
developmental level.
2. Make time to talk with your children. Remember if you do not talk to your children about this
incident someone else will. Take some time and determine what you wish to say.
3. Stay close to your children. Your physical presence will reassure them and give you the
opportunity to monitor their reaction. Many children will want actual physical contact. Give
plenty of hugs. Let them sit close to you, and make sure to take extra time at bedtime to cuddle
and to reassure them that they are loved and safe.
4. Limit your child’s television viewing of these events. If they must watch, watch with them for a
brief time; then turn the set off. Don’t sit mesmerized re-watching the same events over and
over again.
5. Maintain a “normal” routine. To the extent possible stick to your family’s normal routine for
dinner, homework, chores, bedtime, etc., but don’t be inflexible. Children may have a hard time
concentrating on schoolwork or falling asleep at night.
6. Spend extra time reading or playing quiet games with your children before bed. These activities
are calming, foster a sense of closeness and security, and reinforce a sense of normalcy. Spend
more time tucking them in. Let them sleep with a light on if they ask for it.
7. Safeguard your children’s physical health. Stress can take a physical toll on children as well as
adults. Make sure your children get appropriate sleep, exercise, and nutrition.
8. Consider praying or thinking hopeful thoughts for the victims and their families. It may be a
good time to take your children to your place of worship, write a poem, or draw a picture to
help your child express their feelings and feel that they are somehow supporting the victims and
their families.
9. Find out what resources your school has in place to help children cope. Most schools are likely to be open and often are a good place for children to regain a sense of normalcy. Being with their friends and teachers can help. Schools should also have a plan for making counseling available to children and adults who need it.
10. For information on helping children and youth with this crisis, contact NASP at (301) 657-0270 or visit NASP’s website at http://www.nasponline.org.
Modified from material posted on the NASP website in September 2001.
© 2002, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402,Bethesda, MD 20814, (301) 657-0270, Fax (301) 657-0275; http://www.nasponline.org
I am a parent of a kindergarten student at Meadow and I feel greater security measures should be taken also. My child is currently unaware of the tragedy. Should I tell him? Are the teachers going to be telling them in class? Please send me email as to how and what I should tell my child. Thank you…
I have to agree with Bill. In light of this tragedy, I also agree there should be uniformed, trained security officers at the door. This is a bigger deterrent than someone sitting at a desk with a sign-in sheet. Although that desk and sign-in sheet is needed, it just isn’t enough anymore. Just as we pay salaries for teachers, custodians, secretaries, aides, etc., I think paying a salary for a well-trained security guard is also high on the priority list. Perhaps an open forum is needed. At Meadow, I have heard many parents expressing security concerns since school started in August.
While I appreciate your compassionate words on this tragedy, I must confess my serious concern about the lack of security at Hampton School. As the father of a kindergarten student, I expressed these concerns over security to the principal and was informed that safety officers are on call to respond to the school if needed. Unfortunately, locked front doors and mobile security units are not enough; we need to have uniformed safety officers at every school, onsite. Sign-in forms do nothing to prevent a potential tragedy once someone is buzzed in as a visitor. I believe that you need to have an open forum on security issues and give real consideration to having security personnel at each school. As an aside, the doors to the building are not always locked as I enter the building unchallenged on a daily basis to drop my child off at the morning SCOPE program. We need to approach security for our children and school staff with a realistic view of the world that we live in.